my sister had her marriage ceremony yesterday. it was lovely. i was holding back tears when they both were saying their vows.
i’m worried and terrified that i’m going to become old and be alone. i have all of this love, all of this affection and wanting to nurture a person and i’m afraid that it’s going to be wasted. i’m not in a great place for a relationship. it’s going to be two years until i’m done with school for now at least, and then a proposed hopefully at least four in some military branch. plus, after that, who knows, i may enjoy being in the military and stay in. if not, then i need to find an urban area to run with as a paramedic.
this is terrifying. this means that i’ll be at least 27 by the time i am even remotely able to have a relationship. i want to have a relationship now. i have all of this heart. i want a person to dote on.
but i can’t have that.
