It’s been over a week, and I still don’t feel in control over my body. I haven’t eaten much since what happened, I’m not hungry. I think it’s my way of taking control over my body.
I have no interest in sex. I want nothing to do with it. All I can see is his face, the beard, the piercing eyes as he entered me. How I felt so invalidated and how I feel that the whole situation was my fault.
I’m in love with Trevor Hall right now, but that’s what was playing when everything went down. How I’m sure he feels that what happened was fine, that because I wasn’t saying no at the time that it was okay. Never mind the hours before that I said no, and that I wanted my clothes to stay on. How I woke up and could feel him trying to get to me and me just lying there wishing that he would just roll over and go to sleep so I could sleep. Thinking that why didn’t I have the balls myself to get up and leave the situation.
Now every time I listen to Trevor Hall that is what I see; I still feel it too.
