Spark

It's been over a year, but we had a honest conversation like the old days about what we did today and our thoughts. And it totally made my day. I like this, this thing of us talking together on the same plane again.

5451.) Believe it or not, I love your faults.

(via blogsecret)

I was talking to her about it.

lunaesoleil:

pandabites:

lunaesoleil:

And I…didn’t know what to say.
I’d like to pretend that the actions were different and the outcomes still the same, but either way there were broken hearts.

I just wish she’d bloody understand—I’m not worth the time. 7 months, I’m not worth the goddamn time. Dark is right. Find some sun…I wasn’t the right sliver of moonlight. I’m never going to be. Dark side or bursting with sunlight, the shadows I created aren’t worth hiding in forever. They are so small compared to the life that there is out there.

I wish you’d take the credit you deserve, create the opportunity you want, and take the damn world by storm already.

Let those eyes go. They weren’t worth more than a few seconds of contact.

If she see’s what I see, then you’re always worth the time- no matter how trying you are or the situation.

During the situation I was worth the time. I guess my point is that 7 months after the fact, I’m not worth the distress anymore. I’m really not. There’s so much more opportunity for growth and light to be created by the two of us, that I really wish I weren’t still causing darkness.

There’s ups and downs in everything; you seem to be in a down currently. I konw you’re not me, and that our opinions differ greatly on many things. However, with that being said, I think you should give yourself some slack. She’ll be home in a couple of weeks. It’ll be alright, just get through these last couple of days. She loves you.

It’s bearable, the time I spend away from her. But the worst time is the day or two, or week, after I’ve seen her. Because then she’s still in my clothes, my mind, my heart. I may not be in hers; I don’t know what she feels. But she’s in mine.

I hope that she knows that. It’s just difficult. Here I am, I have so much love and attention that I want to shower on someone, but it’s not something that’s going to happen in the near distant future.

When I last saw Luna, I told her about my college decision, about my journey to Maine instead of good ol’ Bellingham. She said she was surprised, and the way she said it seemed to say, “Well, I thought we had an agreement, you come to Bellingham and everything will be fine.”

It’s not that I don’t want that- I want that badly. Two years have gone by, and I’m still holding on. I feel as though there’s a reason that the flyer came in the mail, and that it was fate that had me put Unity’s code on my FASFA application. I’m supposed to go there, I’m supposed to discover a new life and reinvent myself. I believe this wholeheartedly.

But at the same time, I just want someone to connect with, and to love. And I want that someone to be Luna.

I’m really at a crossroads now.

lunaesoleil:

lickystickypickyme:

I do not love you as if you were salt-rose, or topaz,
or the arrow of carnations the fire shoots off.
I love you as certain dark things are to be loved,
in secret, between the shadow and the soul.

I love you as the plant that never blooms
but carries in itself the light of hidden flowers;
thanks to your love a certain solid fragrance,
risen from the earth, lives darkly in my body.

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where.
I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride;
so I love you because I know no other way

than this: where I does not exist, nor you,
so close that your hand on my chest is my hand,
so close that your eyes close as I fall asleep.

Pablo Neruda

I have this on sticky notes on my wall.

I was talking to her about it.

lunaesoleil:

And I…didn’t know what to say.
I’d like to pretend that the actions were different and the outcomes still the same, but either way there were broken hearts.

I just wish she’d bloody understand—I’m not worth the time. 7 months, I’m not worth the goddamn time. Dark is right. Find some sun…I wasn’t the right sliver of moonlight. I’m never going to be. Dark side or bursting with sunlight, the shadows I created aren’t worth hiding in forever. They are so small compared to the life that there is out there.

I wish you’d take the credit you deserve, create the opportunity you want, and take the damn world by storm already.

Let those eyes go. They weren’t worth more than a few seconds of contact.

If she see’s what I see, then you’re always worth the time- no matter how trying you are or the situation.

I like reading writing of mine from months and years ago. It’s plainly apparent that I’ve grown and learned, and I love that.

I love that I’m not just standing in time like an idiot, not learning from my experiences. I most certainly am learning.

Luna taught me alot, and she continues to teach me. I am blessed to have that influence in my life.

I forgot how much I love Linkin Park.

Public Service Announcement:

Love and the act of loving sucks.

So do emotions.

You may return to your regularly scheduled procrastination now.